The Real-life Zombie Attack of 2012: Why “Bath Salts” are only for the Tub

Umm, so the zombie apocalypse just became a teensy-bit more real today.

I’m referring to what the media experts have dubbed the “Miami Zombie Attack” incident.  Apparently, a naked man “on bath salts,” 31 year old Rudy Eugene, chewed off the face of a 65 year old poor homeless man, Ronald Poppo, under the Miami McArthur Causeway bridge.  A passerby saw the horrible attack and called police.  Although an officer repeatedly told the man to stop, the zombie-man simply turned to the policeman and growled, then continued to eat the victim.  The policeman then fired some non-lethal shots at the deranged attacker, who was unaffected by the bullets and still wouldn’t stop eating the homeless man.  The officer had no choice but to kill Eugene.  Poppo was taken to the hospital where he is  still in critical condition, as his face is literally unrecognizable as a human being.

I’m not going to post the videos or pictures on this blog- they’re unnecessarily gruesome and will probably give me nightmares tonight.  If you want to see them they are literally all over the internet (or you can just tune into an episode of the Walking Dead).  I have to warn you though, if the pictures of Ronald Poppo are real, they are nothing you really want to see.

Both law enforcement personnel and friends of Eugene have stated that the probable cause for the attack was the influence of bath salts, a drug with effects much like LSD.  I’m not really sure people can equate CHEWING A MAN’S FACE OFF to a bad trip, but I really hope that this drug doesn’t cause more incidences of zombie-mania.

As a huge fan of zombie movies and the recent television masterpieces the Walking Dead and Doomsday Preppers, I am absolutely convinced that something like this COULD HAPPEN.  Do I think there is enough evidence that a zombie apocalypse is descending upon us?  Hell no.  Right now, I don’t think it’s on the list of things the world should be concerned about: let’s fix our economy and the AIDS epidemic before we go worrying about non-existant science-fiction-like diseases.  However, as one of my worst fears, anything remotely pertaining to human cannibalism in the news always makes me nervous.  It’s scary to me that a grown man could hold another human being down and eat him.  It’s even scarier that multiple gunshot wounds and the presence of witnesses did not deter Eugene from continuing his unholy feast.  I guess the takeaway from this tragedy is to refrain from sticking fancy soaps up your nostrils and to always have an emergency plan and supplies ready, just in case.  I’m not talking about those huge storehouses you see crazy people building in their basements.  A few cans of food, some bottled water, and medical supplies will go a long way to make sure you are prepared for whatever circumstances may be surfacing in the future.  I myself have a small bug-out-bag and first-aid kit that I keep in my apartment, which is hopefully something I will never have to use.  If you’re curious on how to make one on the cheap, check back for my next upcoming post!

Until then,


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One thought on “The Real-life Zombie Attack of 2012: Why “Bath Salts” are only for the Tub

  1. Jake says:

    This is totally insane.

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